"This is wrong."
Those three words echoed through Karen’s head as she drove home. She had asked Jordan later on what he meant, but he refused to comment. She had showered at his house and got dressed, now she just felt guilty. Guilty because she was cheating on her husband. Her husband of one year who treated her like gold and worshipped the ground she walked on. She was cheating on the man she loved for a bit of kinky sex.
Karen parked the car and let herself inside. The soft tangy smell of garlic and tomatoes crept to her nose. She rubbed her stomach not realizing how hungry she was.
"Lunch will be served in ten minutes" Sidney called from the kitchen. He appeared in the doorway briefly to hand Karen a glass of wine. He flashed a smile before wandering back into the kitchen. Karen watched him leave and realized how beautiful he really was. "What was I thinking sleeping with Jordan" she thought sullenly "it’ll kill Sid if he finds out."
Karen walked into the kitchen as Sidney was putting lunch on the table. "You took a long time at Jordan’s?" Sidney asked casually sipping his wine.
"Jordan wanted some advice about Britnie" Karen replied hastily avoiding eye contact.
"Really? What's going on there?"
"He's not sure, he likes her a lot but doesn't know if he likes her enough to love her."
"I'm sure Staalsy will be alright. If it doesn't work out with your sister, he's got another girl right around the corner waiting for him."
"That he does."
"Oh by the way, your mom called" Sidney said bitterly changing the topic. Sidney and Karen’s mom never really saw eye to eye on anything and it was no secret that Karen’s mom wanted her to marry anyone other than him. She never thought the life of a hockey player made a good husband with going on road games with the temptation to cheat in every city. Karen had tried and tried to tell her mom that Sidney wasn't like that but she was set in her ways, even when Britnie started to date Jordan she couldn't convice her that they both found the best on the team.
"What did she say?"
"She said that I should be at work earning money to support my wife and kids when we have some and can you give her a call later" Sidney rolled his eyes and shoveled some pasta into his mouth. "I may need to show her my bank account statement and she'll know I can support my family."
"Sid please don’t start about the kids" Karen looked at Sidney and warned him with her eyes. He wanted to start a family but Karen wasn’t ready. She wanted to wait until they were married for at least another year.
"Karen, I didn’t say anything" Sidney looked at her grimly from above the rim of his glass.
"You didn’t have to" Karen shot back.
"Kiki, we’ll have to talk about it sometime. We can’t put it off forever." Sidney put down his fork and crossed his arms.
"Not now Crosby, I am not in the mood" she glared at him from across the table.
"Let’s just get it into the open now okay. Why do you always feel the need to avoid this?"
"I'm not avoiding anything. You want to talk, let's talk" Karen slammed her glass on to the table causing the red liquid to spill on to the floor. Karen ignored it and looked at her husband.
"I want us to start a family" Sidney said.
"And I don’t" Karen said firmly.
"See what I mean. Every time we talk about kids, you say no. But you haven’t really given me a proper answer as to why not. Kiki, I deserve to know why not. Then maybe I can understand and support your decision to wait."
Karen shook her head "Sid…I don’t know okay. I just don’t know so stop pressuring me" as she tried to blink back tears threatening to escape from her eyes.
"Karen talk to ME. TELL ME WHY" Sidney’s raised his voice and looked at Karen angrily.
"I can’t Sid" Karen sobbed standing up and grabbing her purse from the counter.
"Where are you going?" Sidney asked as she ran out the door.
"Out" Karen replied as she jumped into the car and started up the engine.
Sidney nodded and watched her leave making no attempt to follow her. He knew that she’d be safe where ever she went and that’s all that mattered for the time being. He couldn't understand why this was always a sore subject between them and needed to figure out what was going on.
Karen drove around for a few minutes until she came to a vacant parking lot. She put the car in park and turned off the engine, sitting there letting the tears fall freely. The fact being, Karen never really saw kids in her future but it slowly came to a realization that Sidney might want one or two, hell he'd want enough kids to start his own hockey team if he could. But everything was screwed up now. Jordan complicated things. When they first got together, it was right after they all started hanging around each other as friends. One night after the team won, they all went to Diesel to celebrate and Karen had too much to drink, with Jordan taking advantage of it in a secluded area of the club. After that, they resorted to flirting, touching and coming dangerously close at other times. Their second time was after her and Sidney got together and Karen swore it wouldn't happen again with they way things were progressing with him but Jordan made it hard for her to stay away. When Sidney proposed, she told Jordan that they needed to stay on a friend level but it seemed everytime they saw each other, they knew what buttons to push...hence the night at her parent's house. Just one look from him and Karen knew what was instore for her.
She tried to blame Sidney and how he kept their love making monotonous and would never change it up, like having sex in different places of the house or in the car, at the arena....something than always in their bed. Karen adored Sidney's style and how he would caress every inch of her body, but she wanted something more. Different positions, more oral sex. She wanted to have the kind of sexual escapades with Sidney that she had with Jordan, that's why she sought him out, but Sidney wouldn't listen to her. Karen knew she needed to end it with Jordan, but didn't know if she was strong enough to do it.